Root causes of certain issues that the women widely face seemed to be alarmingly common with the others. Such issues and their solutions are often written in various women’s magazines under different sections or headings; or are discussed during the’ girl get together’. Yet so many women tend stay ignorant or chose to overlook these perils of wisdom that they could have weeded out a lot earlier in their life or from the moment they found themselves slipping into the quicksand of helplessness and hopelessness. The list of 5 such advice are compiled with an aim to put these crucial advice that women must always follow in a single read.
- Don’t Lose your Identity: This is that one major issue that haunts many women, who have given more importance to their families/relationships over their own needs and wants as an individual or as a woman. One day, after years of putting the needs of every else first, they realize, that their children have grown up and don’t need them as much as they once did. Their spouse/boyfriend too have a life of their own, that gives them a sense of purpose. Their friends too don’t always have the time for them, their parents may or may not always be there for them. Please don’t give up on your hobbies, friends, career (full-time/part-time) your needs and wants, social life etc. Maintain an Identity that is yours alone, apart from being called as someone’s mom/wife/girl-friend/daughter/sister. Also, practice the ‘Art of Detachment’ yes you love your family/parents/kids but they all have a life beyond you, and someday they may choose their priorities over you (E.g. children moving away from home for studies) Foresee that, prepare for that.
- Learn Money Management: You may have a wonderful husband who may take care of all your needs, or your parents may have shared/left you with a family surplus, yet; None of it beats the feeling of having earned the money from your toil and hard work. It is a different kind of feeling when you are answerable to no one about the money you make and how you chose to spend it. And, while you aremaking some money learn to multiply it. Don’t rely on anyone to help you at that. Learn the tricks of the trade for yourself.
- Hold onto your Health in a tight fist: You are what you eat, your lifestyle, and how much physically fit you are. So many women walk feel depressed about their self-image, they don’t feel beautiful/youthful/ energetic like before. Over the years they’ve spent all their energies looking after their families or the needs of everyone else before themselves. They’ve not only lost their sense of identity but also their health! Please ladies, your health comes first. Period.
- Acceptance: Over the years, you may have had to face many disappointments. Financial issues, you and your husband may become less communicative/ may not be as romantic as you both were in your twenties, Menopause may have hit you, your parents may have deceased, you may be living an altogether different life from what you had dreamt of in your teens or in your youth. Accept your present, take stock of your realities with a pinch of salt, accept what can never change & what can change with a little or more effort from your end. The key to harmony is to accept what can never change and work towards putting an effort towards things that you can change.
- Learn new things constantly, and don’t be afraid to accept ignorance over certain matters: Be like that sponge who soaks in knowledge. Be that someone who is constantly hungry to keep abreast with new technologies, new ways of life etc. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge what you don’t know or can’t understand. The first step towards learning something new is to get rid of the fear of uncertainty, embarrassment of not knowing etc. (E.g. If you don’t know to drive and rely on people to drive you around, take charge of this matter and learn to drive)
Take charge of who you are. Your life is absolutely what you make of it. Chose to brave all your circumstances bravely, wisely and strongly. Let go of your inner fears and insecurities, your need to say sorry or feel sorry over issues that may not be your fault. Find that voice that chokes up during times of nervousness and uncertainty, encourage it to speak with certainty during times you have to say a ‘NO’ to people who threaten your personal boundaries. Go Girl! You can do it.
Author’s Note:
I write on topics that stem out from the various counselling experiences I come across during my counselling sessions. I ensure, my client’s privacy remains confidential. Yet, highlighting the heart of the matter.
Much Love,
Sherene Aftab,
Counselling Psychologist.